'She isn't a part of the wedding': Overbearing stepmom wants to wear same color as bridesmaids, doesn't understand why bride is upset

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 8, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Your wedding is the one place where you get to tell people what to wear. Sure, you're not responsible for individually dressing everyone, but you can give them guidelines they're expected to follow. And there are a few biggies, like refraining from wearing white unless you're the bride, and not straying too far from the specified level of formality (black tie, cocktail, etc.) Another less thought-about rule is making sure you don't accidentally look like you're in the wedding party if you're not. Especially if you have tenuous ties to the couple. Photos last forever, and it might give an impression that the couple did not intend to. 

That's the situation one bride found herself in when her dad's wife wanted to blend in with the bridal party, despite explicitly not being a part of it. But commenters were split on just who was in the wrong. Read on for the story and decide for yourself. 

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    AITA FOR TELLING MY DADS WIFE NOT TO WEAR THE COLOR BURNT ORANGE OR TEAL ON MY WEDDING DAY
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    | 35F is getting married in a month. I have pretty much done everything myself for my wedding, I wanted it that way so I wouldn't have a lot of opinions and suggestions. I recently got everyone together so we can go over the wedding day. My mom & dad haven't been together for my whole life. My dad & his wife recently got
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    married last year & were together a little over 6 months before getting engaged. I had no issues with her & got along. I did have some issues on her speaking to my dad in front of me & just how she treated others but I kept quiet because I didn't want to not be able to be around my dad. Well
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  • 05
    recently there was an issue occurred at my get together for the wedding party. There was a comment made about my mom from my dad's wife that wasn't nice no one heard but me and my dad. I was upset & pretty much went off on my dad. His wife did apologize but I
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    just couldn't seem to get over it. Well to the point at hand, my bridesmaids will be wearing burnt orange & my fiancés mom/my mom will be wearing teal. My dad's wife has decided to wear burnt orange I have asked her to not wear either color because that's the color of my bridesmaids/moms well
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    she has an issue because she's feeling I shouldn't tell anyone what they can & can't wear. I said if she didn't know the colors I would understand but she did & asked not to wear those colors. It has turned into a lot bigger issue. She isn't understanding why I don't want her to wear the colors of my wedding party, she isn't apart of the wedding. AITA ?
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    I have not told all my guest to stay away from these colors. When messaging her I did say if she didn't know then I would have understood but she did know. Plus I have physically showed my bridesmaids dress to her.
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    She hasn't purchased the dress yet, so I stated I don't understand why it's hard to change the color of the dress when she hasn't purchased it yet. She stated she is picky and has looked everywhere and it's difficult to find one
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    She is my dad's wife, not my stepmother. They have been married a little over a year. Just because she is my dad's wife she shouldn't feel initialed to be apart of my wedding party. When they got married they didn't want to have their children in the wedding party, I had no issue with it. It was their wedding not mine.
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    I did have some issues with her but I always kept quiet because of my dad. I didn't want to have that separation, but since the comment about my mom just crossed the line for me. It was the first time they even met so they shouldn't have been any issues.
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    My dad on going to our bachelorette/Bachelor party, but now they aren't going because what was said and don't want issues. So that makes me upset because now there's issues. I wasn't planning excluding her from any pictures.
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    sonakettia423 10h ago NTA • It's completely reasonable to ask guests not to wear the colors of the bridal party or immediate family, especialy wen they know the theme. Your dad's wife should respect your wishes, as it's your special day nd you've made a simple request. This shouldn't be turned into a bigger issue than it needs to be.....
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    chaenukyun • 10h ago Aficionado [10] NTA It's crude to knowingly wear the bridal party colors after being asked not to wear them. She has literally thousands of options and is intentionally trying to cause issues. She's throwing a fit because she's asked to not wear 2 colors? What's the big deal? I feel as though finding non-bridal party dresswear in those colors is more challenging than not wearing them. She's throwing a childish tantrum because she has been told no.
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    Tell her if she shows up in the colors she's uninvited. Who's your MOH? If dad's wife shows up wearing the colors maybe the MOH can intercept and kick her out? It may seem dramatic, but I doubt this is going to be the only thing she throws a fit over.
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    Z3rOcOOlio 9h ago • ESH there's no stupider drama than wedding drama.
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    MoreCleverUserName 7h ago Partassipant [3] • I'm going against the grain here. YTA because in the grand scheme of things, nobody other than the bride and possibly the groom cares what color the bridesmaids or the guests are wearing, and nobody other than the wedding party cares who's in the wedding party. Adults can wear whatever colors they want to wear; this goes for both putting certain colors off-limits and trying to force the guests to wear certain colors.
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    Your dad's wife wanting to wear orange is simply one of those things that does not matter. You cannot control it. But you can control how you respond to it. If you make a big fuss over it then it will become the center of your wedding day, and if you choose to stop caring about it, it will become just a small annoyance and nothing more.
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    Extension_Extent9796 10h ago • NTA, un invited her, tell your father his wife acting wired and you don't want that at your wedding she act like she is in a competition and not respecting your decision, plus the comment and you don't want that tell him you don't want at the day of the wedding to embarrass yourself, him and her be kicking her out of the wedding and making drama on your big day.
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    kittywyeth . 6h ago YTA who cares, you're just being mean & using the fact that it's your wedding to do so. if you want to fight with your stepmother then do it directly. tell her you don't like her & don't like how she interacts with your mom. say what you actually mean. don't nitpick her attire as a guest at your wedding unless you're also going to be contacting every guest individually to tell them the same thing.
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    cryingcandles 9h ago. NTA, a wedding is quite literally the place where you can tell people what to wear. It's your wedding day. People are not supposed to wear colors that match the bridal party if they have already been told.
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    . mare_bare 9h ago Partassipant [1] NTA Don't communicate with her anymore. Tell your dad that either she doesn't wear those colors or his wife will be asked to leave. You can throw in that she's already disrespected your mom and you won't be disrespected on your wedding day. Either your dad. supports you or he's out, as well.
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    Be strong. This is a hill to die on. She gets her way now and she'll get MUCH worse.
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Wedding Themes family drama stepmother aita bride marriage wedding party stepmom mean wedding story brides wedding cake family reddit thread Reddit bullying weddings
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